Is there such a thing as being too nice? Some would say that being nice is something to be celebrated and admired. However, for some women, being too nice has not served us well. In this blog post, we will explore how societal expectations, especially for women, have often discouraged assertiveness and encouraged the suppression of our God-given talents and abilities. We'll draw inspiration from verses in the Bible to remind you of your innate power and purpose, and how embracing assertiveness can help you live the life God intended for you. 

The Cultural Expectations

1. The "Nice" Trap

In a world where the qualities of kindness and humility are deeply valued, the pressure to be "nice" often leads to misconceptions about what it means to be a Christian, especially for women. The teachings of Christ certainly advocate kindness and humility, but they also encourage us to embrace our unique gifts and assertiveness. While being agreeable and accommodating is virtuous, we must remember that these qualities are just a part of the bigger picture. God has also bestowed us with talents, abilities, and the power to assertively use them for His glory.

The Bible reminds us that Jesus Himself was assertive when it was necessary. He challenged societal norms, spoke out against injustices, and fiercely defended the marginalized. Being "nice" should not translate into being a pushover or denying your inner strength. Instead, it should be about kindness rooted in love, which can sometimes be assertive when needed.

2. The Fear of Being Unlikable

One common barrier to assertiveness is the fear of being unlikable or confrontational. Women, in particular, may feel that they have to be amiable and accommodating at all times to maintain their likeability. However, it's crucial to differentiate between assertiveness and aggression. Being assertive does not mean being unkind or rude; it means confidently expressing your thoughts, needs, and boundaries while respecting others.

Jesus provides us with an excellent example of how to balance assertiveness and love. He often challenged the status quo and spoke against hypocrisy and injustice, but His actions were always guided by love and compassion. It's important to remember that true assertiveness is an expression of love for yourself and for others.

3. Martyr Syndrome

Some people fall into the trap of martyrdom, believing that self-sacrifice is a virtue. While Christianity teaches selflessness, it also emphasizes self-care and self-worth.

Martyr syndrome, characterized by self-sacrifice at the expense of one's own well-being, can be deeply ingrained in some individuals, especially women. While selflessness is indeed a Christian virtue, it's not synonymous with self-neglect. The Bible reminds us that we are the temples of the Holy Spirit, and taking care of ourselves is part of our stewardship responsibilities.

In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, it is written, "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies." This verse reinforces the idea that self-care is an essential aspect of our Christian journey. To honor God with our bodies and minds, we must assertively take care of ourselves, setting boundaries and maintaining our emotional and physical well-being.

The Wounds of "Being Too Nice”

1. Low Self Esteem

Being overly "nice" often leads to prioritizing the feelings and needs of others at the expense of one's own self-esteem. When you constantly defer to others and neglect your own desires and needs, it's easy to lose sight of your self-worth. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.

2. Missed Opportunities

The fear of being perceived as assertive can result in missed opportunities. Whether it's in your personal relationships or professional life, failing to assert your needs, ambitions, and boundaries can hinder your growth and fulfillment.

One of the fundamental lessons from the Bible is that God provides us with opportunities, and it is our responsibility to seize them. Passively allowing opportunities to slip by due to fear of assertiveness can be a disservice to the gifts God has given us. Embracing assertiveness allows us to take hold of these opportunities and fulfill our potential.

3. Unfulfilled Potential

Every individual is blessed with unique talents and abilities by God. Failing to assertively use these gifts can lead to unfulfilled potential. The Bible is filled with parables and stories that emphasize the importance of utilizing our God-given talents for the greater good.

In the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-30), Jesus tells the story of a master who entrusted his servants with different amounts of talents. The servants who assertively invested and multiplied their talents were commended, while the one who buried his talent out of fear was rebuked. This parable teaches us that God expects us to boldly use the abilities He has given us for the advancement of His kingdom.

Embrace Your Power

• Self-Care
  Self-care is not selfish; it's a fundamental principle of Christianity. The command to "love your neighbor as yourself" in Matthew 22:39 implies that we must first love and care for ourselves before we can extend that love to others. Embracing assertiveness is an act of self-love, allowing you to prioritize your well-being and, in turn, better serve and love others.
• Set Boundaries
  Setting boundaries is an essential aspect of assertiveness. It involves clearly defining what is acceptable and unacceptable in your relationships, work, and personal life. The Bible provides guidance on boundaries, reminding us of the importance of protecting our hearts and minds. In Proverbs 4:23, we read, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." This verse highlights the significance of guarding our hearts and setting boundaries that protect our emotional and spiritual well-being. Assertively establishing and maintaining boundaries is an act of self-preservation, ensuring that you can fulfill your God-given potential without being overwhelmed by external pressures.
• Step into Your Calling
  Every Christian is called to a unique purpose and mission by God. Embracing assertiveness is a way of acknowledging and confidently stepping into that calling. When you recognize your talents and abilities and assertively use them, you align yourself with God's plan for your life. In Jeremiah 29:11, God reassures us with the promise, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." This verse is a reminder that God has a specific plan for each of us, one that involves prosperity, hope, and a bright future. By being assertive and confident in the use of our talents, we cooperate with God's plan and experience the fulfillment of this promise.

Embrace the Power of Assertiveness

The journey to assertiveness is a journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and self-empowerment. It's a journey that aligns you with your divine purpose, allowing you to fulfill your unique role in God's grand design. Embrace it, live it, and be a radiant testament to the transformative power of faith and assertiveness.

As you step into your power and embrace assertiveness, remember that you are not alone. Consider joining our Women in the Ministry community to receive additional support in becoming bold and using your voice to create change. Explore the resources offered through our Women in the Ministry community today by going to womenintheministry.com/join